Yesterday, I invited my friends to one of the dark rooms.
They made me look at the window enough to make me feel as if those walls were fake.
"But they are not," I reminded myself the morning after their visit.
Today, I woke up alone in one of these rooms,
Without the joy of last night shared with amazing souls.
And my heartbeat kept racing,
My thoughts kept torturing me,
so I lay on my bed crying.
I want to feel freedom while looking at the windows.
But freedom doesn't want me.
I can't shut down the thoughts,
I can't stop myself from feeling guilty for all of my actions.
Somehow, I am having a hard time loving myself.